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Why victims don't tell 'Everyone will hate me'. That was my main reason. It's very common for the child to feel a tremendous guilt, which is normally encouraged by the abuser. They feel that it's somehow their fault, that they asked for it, that they had a choice. This is NEVER the case. When physical violation has occurred at the will of someone who is in a position of power to the child, they are abusing that power for their own sexual gratification, and that can never be the victim's fault. The abuser is taking advantage of the child's naïveté and innocence, and they are thoroughly responsible for doing so, no matter what the dynamics of the abuse may be, or how it may be carried out etc... IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT! 'No one will believe me'. Again, this has almost definitely been told to the child by the abuser. Childline will believe you. An adult you trust will believe you whether that's a teacher, a friend's parent, or the police. It is crucial though, upon disclosing, that you don't give up at the first post if the first person you tell really doesn't believe you. Do not give up, because there are ALWAYS people who WILL believe you and take you seriously. So once you tell someone, keep telling people until you get heard. 'I'm too scared'. The abuser may have threatened the child to stop them from telling anyone. When a victim discloses to an authority who can help, such as the police, their safety is the first consideration. The abuser can be removed from the child's home (or wherever the abuse takes place), or the child may be temporarily removed from the situation until further arrangements can be made, but the safety of the child is always put first. Services such as Childline are confidential. 'It will destroy my family'. It is my firm belief that victims of child sexual abuse have a fundamental human right, and an obligation to themselves, to end their own torture, regardless of how it might affect people around them, and without guilt or regret for any indirect consequences that happen as a result of their disclosure. No one should ever have to suppress such a terrible thing, and the fact that victims do suppress it for the sake of others means that the abuser may never need to face the consequences of their actions, and can carry on abusing, safe in the knowledge that they'll never be stopped. It takes real courage to tell, for all the reasons described here. As the young person gets older, leaves home, or circumstances change, the abuse sometimes stops. It may then be tempting to try to block it out. Understandably as noone would want to remember such traumatic incidents. However in later life something may unexpectedly trigger painful feelings and memories may come flooding back. |
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