My Story (page 3)
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I stayed with my Mum and out of school for a number of weeks, and they were some of the worst times of my life, despite it being the beginning of the end of my abuse. I felt isolated, alone and, for a time, suicidal. I didn't know what was going to happen next, and felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet. It was also when I began to replay everything that had happened to me, and realise how badly I'd been exploited. I rang my boyfriend and told him, in a very long and emotional phone call, about being abused, and the part that he had played in it, without ever even realising. Although he and his family were all very supportive of me, we fell apart a few months later, and I felt that it was a necessary loss, as the relationship had been so tied up with my abuse.

Bill got evicted from our house, and Mum sold it. I moved to a new home with my brothers, and started at a new school for year 11. I remember having this glorious feeling of a fresh start, and I made new friends. When I got told over the phone, that Bill was going to go on trial for what he had done, I was happy. It was a long wait for the trial, and it was delayed for a few months, but finally took place in early 2007.

The trial lasted for a week, although I was only required as a witness for one day. Because I'm underage, I was taken into a separate room from the rest of the court, and communicated via a video link. Bill's defending barrister asked me intrusive and graphic questions, and scraped the barrel to find any excuse that might vaguely imply I was lying about the whole thing. It was a difficult day, and the barrister tried to break me by telling me that I was lying and that it never happened and that Bill was innocent. It was his job to try and win the case for him... I just wonder if he slept well that night.

Mum and I stayed home on the day of the verdict. Mum prayed all morning, that I'd get justice. We got a call at about 3pm to say that Bill had been proven guilty on 13 counts of indecent assault, and we cried. It was very emotional, and I was so relieved. We won. Everyone who had attended the trial on my behalf came home, and we all celebrated. The sentencing took place, and I attended it in person. I saw him, and he saw me, and I saw him get sent away by the Judge, whose words I'll never forget:

"You, who are meant to be one of the most important and trusted people in your daughter's life, used her young body for your own sexual gratification. If there was anyone from whom that poor girl should have been protected, it was you."

He received a sentence of three years. I thought then, that it wasn't enough, and I stand by that... But it was justice to some extent, and I would never have to see him again.

Everything since that moment has been an ascension. I can't honestly say that it doesn't affect me anymore, but I know that I will never go back to those times. It's over. And when the abuse ended, my life began, all over again. I'm 17 now, and to strangers I probably seem like an 'ordinary' girl. There's no need for any more people to know about my abuse because it's in the past; every time that someone new does find out about it, however, they always express their surprise that someone as 'grounded' as me could ever have come from something as traumatic as that. I give myself some credit for coming out of it with some sanity... But it pains me to think about all the children who are still at the stage before their disclosure. Whilst every case is individual, I don't believe anyone can understand the kind of emotions a victim goes through, better than someone who has been through it, and who can say that they've dealt with it the best they can. That's why I got involved with Fixers, that's why I have this site and that's why I know, as a survivor, how important it is that anybody who is going through this kind of inhumane torture TELLS SOMEONE immediately. It's high time that people became more aware of how much of a serious and common issue this is.

I want to help create a society where children are regularly reminded that they can go somewhere that's safe and confidential to disclose to someone who will take them seriously, if they are being abused by anyone, anywhere. And I want the perverted perpetrators who get kicks out of abusing children to be made fully aware, by this society, that they can't escape justice so easily anymore. Support for children and general awareness of the issue is a lot better than it was 30 years ago; but it can be a lot better still, and if I can help bring about that change to positively affect the life of just one child who's had to go through this as I have, then I'm happy.


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